his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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