im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize