we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
