I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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