So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
