can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
