my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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