Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
