I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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