I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
