so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize