Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
someone owes me an orgasm
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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