he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
