In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize