I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
