I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
