Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
