we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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