listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
