You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
