I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
