I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
