I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Come see our sink grown plant.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
