His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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