Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
