Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
