the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
