I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
