no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
