If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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