Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
