i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
