She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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