You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am available for nakedness
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize