my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
