You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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