Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
