I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
