do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
