I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Semen is not good for contacts.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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