we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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