I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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