It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
