omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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