Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
false alarm, still single
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
