You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
