Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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