you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
