Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am available for nakedness
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
