So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
