No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
