She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
