I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
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