i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
