I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
