The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
