theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
