Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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