like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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