is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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