if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
