I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
