I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize