I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
