I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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