You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
