what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
