it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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