Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize