I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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