I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
