My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
