for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
